minor changes.

small changes usually lead to big things, right? sometimes? well i hope it does that this time around.

i went all day without a cigarette. IM PRETTY DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

it's time.

it's time to grow the fuck up. I gotta stop being wah wah. I've got to stop saying i'm going to do this, this, and this.. and actually DO it. But first --

stop being lazy! stop being lazy! stop being lazy! stop being lazy! stop being lazy! stop being lazy!

I think I'm going to start sticking up post-its all over the place. My first post it will be : "stop being lazy." But I need post-its first. Time to take some from work.

evan almighty.

I went to a classmate's house today to work on a project. I guess it's a good thing that she puts on the TV to HBO and just let it play. (also to make it a little less awkward while we were doing work.) One of the movies that came on was Evan Almighty. Unfortunately, I didn't catch the whole movie, but coincidentally, I started watching when it was basically the climax of the movie. Or starting to be the climax of the movie? I don't know. Anyway, yeah, so it was the scene where Evan's wife and the kids were eating and she has a short conversation with God. One of the lines he said really struck me.. "If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?"

Now, for someone who is constantly asking the Lord to teach me how to be patient, it seems so.. dumb, but.. i think i FINALLY get it? it seems really elementary if you think about it. When someone prays for patience, the Lord doesn't just wave His hand over you, He gives you an opportunity to learn it. Each day is like another opportunity.

Now my problem? I always thought I was a patient person. But I think the reason for that is because I'm just USED to waiting around. But, that was for other people. Like, waiting for people to finish getting ready, waiting in line for the bathroom. I don't know.

I'm still waiting for my life to start. But I want it to start NOW. I want to love someone, NOW. I want to be skinny, NOW. Everything is now, now, now ! But I know none of those things are going to come to me unless i am... *drumroll* ........ PATIENT.

I need to have faith in His plan for me. I need to TRUST Him. I need to have patience.

This thing is seriously a vicious cycle.

i had an epiphany today.

I NEED CHANGE.